LaTonya Shanae
Mama | Community Builder | Mentor
God will provide. ~Philippians 4:19
My son was the initial reason I chose healing for myself. I realized that if I neglected my own healing, his future would likely suffer. Becoming the best version of myself creates space for me to continually evolve into the mom he needs and deserves.
But notice, I said he was my initial reason.
After being on this journey for a while, I now realize that I too need and deserve to become the best version of me for me!
Listen, you don't have to lose yourself just because you are now a mom. And you don't have to give up your entire life and identity because you are now a divorced mom and feel sorry for your children.
If anything, I encourage you to embrace who you are all the more. Evolve at your pace. And know that God wants the best for both you and your children. Please know that He will provide.
I am blessed to now know, without a shadow of a doubt, that my purpose is to create safe spaces for divorced moms to heal and thrive in the community, so they too can become the best version of themselves.
My story is no different from yours.
I have always considered myself blessed to be raised by two parents who were equally committed to their marriage and to their family. They were not only committed but also happy!
To me, my parents' love for each other was the standard and ultimately what I wanted for myself. So, I took my time before I got married and focused heavily on my career. I advanced in my career somewhat quickly and felt like I was making some good strategic moves. Life felt good.
After dating my ex-husband for seven years we decided to get married in 2014.
On October 29, 2018, we welcomed a beautiful baby boy into our world. And life for me changed instantly. The moment I saw my son, I knew I had to do a better job of taking care of myself - emotionally, physically and mentally. His quality of life depended on my well-being.
So, in 2020, in the midst of COVID and working from home, I filed for divorce and left my marriage with my son in tow. I remember it like it was yesterday! I was so afraid and my anxiety was out the roof, but the one thing I was not…was unsure! I knew I was making the right choice. I had no clue what the future would hold and no real plan for how I was going to get there! Talk about scared!
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But with the help of my community and a whole lot of prayer and therapy, I made it through. My community saved me. It is because of them that I am now able to pay it forward and help others.
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Here is a bit of my backstory...
Are you a divorced mom without a plan?
Sis, I see you!
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Here is how I was able to navigate through my divorce and create a joy-filled future even when I did not have all the answers:
I acknowledged my fears and anchored myself in my faith. I trusted God! He’s the plug!
Fear is a natural emotion to feel, especially as you approach the unknown so, I had to acknowledge that I was afraid and then trust God for the rest. You see trusting man and the advice of others will keep you stuck and timid. That’s where faith comes in. Trusting God at his word. Trusting God helped me take the first step. He did the rest - opened doors and positioned people every other step of the way. Practicing your faith walk is a vital part of my coaching program.
I focused on my healing and started seeing a counselor weekly! I had to heal and honestly, I had no clue what that looked like or meant. I initially thought if I could just get over my heartbreak I would be healed. Wrong. Focusing on what needed healing was key in my journey.
Once I started working with my counselor, so many unhealed areas in my life were uncovered. Being intentional about my healing has allowed me to take better care of myself, be present for my son, and set clear boundaries that protect my peace. I work with my clients to develop an individualized healing plan, one that centers on them and their needs.
I asked for HELP!
This sounds simple but so many do not ask for help! I discovered that I had to ask for help or I would lose my mind. I got over being ashamed and independent because I needed to know that I wasn’t the only person going through this and I needed help!
Once I opened my mouth and asked for what I needed, my circle of friends and family showed up! With this help, I was not only able to keep my job but be offered a new job that came with a 20k increase and develop a plan for childcare whenever necessary. My coaching program helps my clients develop a plan that includes their community of support.
I set small attainable goals!
I learned early on, that I could not overwhelm myself with a long list of goals. I had to start small to stay motivated and focused. Don’t overwhelm yourself with all the things to do.
Focus on one goal at a time. After doing this I was able to achieve goals better and this is the exact thing I teach my clients to do. One step at a time.
I created a community of support (family, friends, therapist, attorney, spiritual advisor, financial advisor, daycare director and teachers)!
As an extension of asking for help. I created a community of supporters who are still key players for me. My support group knows my story and understands that the most important thing to me is to ensure I am good and that my son is taken care of!
Thinking you can do it all on your own will keep you exhausted! Having the right people on your team is critical and my clients understand that they can not do this alone.
LaTonya Shanae was created because I have been called to help other women (particularly moms) heal from their divorce so they can fully show up for themselves and the children who need them. This journey should not be done in isolation and I want to offer a community of support for those who feel alone and afraid. I am paying it forward because of the abundance of love and support that was given to me.
Listen, going through a divorce is hard! And going through a divorce with your children watching is an added layer! Trust me, I know. The good news is that you do not have to do this alone. We have a community that was created with you in mind.
With Love,
LaTonya Shanae